How perfectionism can often be a barrier to success -‘Aim for average’
I have a question for you… are you a perfectionist?
I am and it is exhausting.
Not only that but being a perfectionist actively gets in the way of us becoming good at the things we care about.
For example, perfectionists often try a new hobby or activity and when they aren't immediately good at that thing, decide "it's not for me". This decision isn't made based on a real dislike of the activity but on a need to run from the deep discomfort that comes with not being able to do something well. A need to avoid any situation that could potentially end in failure.
Avoiding discomfort and failure in this way is self-sabotage. Yes, avoidance makes us feel better in the short term but in the long, it ensures we never get a chance to live the lives we really want.
Good news, if you get stuck in the 'perfection-self sabotage cycle' there is a solution. Bad news, you are not going to like it.
If you want to create new habits and get good at the activities you care about you need to stop reaching perfection, and instead, AIM FOR AVERAGE.
When I say "aim for average," I'm not advocating half-hearted attempts. I am saying stop comparing yourself to the professionals - where the definition of professional is essentially: the ability to do something in exactly the same way, with precision, every time an attempt is made.
Instead aim to be like the amateurs, who hit and miss every so often. Because… you will hit and miss, it’s part of the process of learning.
Learning isn't linear. New skills often get worse, not better, as we practice them. This happens for a good reason: Mistakes quicken learning because they teach us what not to do. And, the most effective way to learn is by succeeding 85% of the time and making mistakes 15% of the time. That 15% teaches valuable lessons.
Aiming for average will help you persist when you make mistakes as you will know that this is normal and necessary for you to improve.
BUT HOW CAN YOU DO THIS IF YOU FEAR MAKING MISTAKES?
Proper perfectionists can't simply shift their mindset because someone tells them to, however. We need to overcome our fears of making mistakes first, which unfortunately involves making as many mistakes as possible on purpose and finding out what really happens when we do this. Teaching ourselves that imperfection may be scary but is usually very survivable.
To do this...
Decide that from today onwards you will make one small mistake per day. Maybe you will leave a typo in an email or slightly overcook the dinner and not tell anyone.
Ask yourself what you think will happen if you do this
Do that thing!
Observe the outcome
Over time you can build up to mistakes that feel more challenging for you. Slowly you will learn that imperfection is not only acceptable but also necessary for growth. Once you have done this you can consider aiming for average, being the person who embraces getting it wrong, and doesn't run away but learns what they need to do better next time.
This is only an introduction to this idea but it is an important one. And, don't take my word for it. If you are already able to tolerate making mistakes decide on one area of your life where you will strive to be average and see if this helps you to learn more quickly as you face your mistakes head-on, feeling proud that you are engaging in the task rather than like you are failing because you aren't quite perfect yet.
These are only the starting points. If you are ready to deep dive on this, grab yourself a copy of my book '(Un)Stuck: 5 Steps to Break Bad Habits and Get Out of Your Own Way' today!
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