5 Reasons Why Your Breathing Exercises Are Not Working (and How To Make Them Work For You)

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

If you are struggling to make breathing exercises work for you, or find breathing exercises make your anxiety, stress, anger or other emotion feel worse rather than better, this blog post is for you.

Why your breathing exercises aren’t working

Your therapist or friend (or someone else) has told you that you need to do breathing exercises to manage your anxiety, anger, or other emotional responses. You have tried them but they just do not work for you. Sound familiar? If so you are not alone.

I am a clinical psychologist and I teach many people each week to use breathing exercises to manage their anxiety, stress, anger, and other difficult emotions. I can’t tell you how many people I have taught breathing exercises to but I can tell you this… 9 times out of 10, people leave the therapy session ready to try their new breathing exercises and then turn up to the next session saying “I tried it but it just didn’t work for me”. Or, “I tried the breathing exercises and they made my symptoms worse”.

Why is this happening? Why does the research suggest that breathing exercises are one of the most important factors in overcoming anxiety and other psychological distress yet people keep saying it isn’t so? 

In my experience there a few different explanations. Here are the usual suspects (note: the first two may sound judgemental, I promise you they are not, please bear with me) and also, how to overcome each barrier once you decide which one is affecting you:

 Reason 1. You haven’t practiced your breathing exercises enough yet.

Our brain has successfully kept our species alive for millennia by using the fight-flight response. Whenever our ancestors heard anything that might signal there was a tiger (or other dangerous thing) at the door, it prepared them to run or fight for their lives. You and I are here today because of this.

Nowadays, our brain still uses this strategy to manage danger. The problem is our brain doesn’t know the difference between a real ‘life-or-death’ threat (e.g. a tiger at the door) and an imagined threat (e.g. a worry that you will say something stupid in front of your friends or that you will do badly in an exam).

Whenever it finds something scary, it believes your survival depends on you running and fighting hence your heart starting to race and your breathing quicking (as this would help you both run and fight - for more information on the fight-flight response and how it makes sense of every symptom of anxiety, anger and stress, click here).

When we first try to do something new to manage our anxiety (e.g. a breathing exercise) our brain resists. Why? Because it is probably thinking “yeah right! You think you can manage this threat with a breathing exercise you’ve tried once or twice? I have been doing this for years, we will stick with my way thank you very much!”.

This means that when you first try a breathing exercise it may feel almost impossible. You try to practice the breathing exercise but you find it impossible to stay focused. This may cause you to give up - “I tried it but it didn’t work”.

If you want this exercise to be effective you need to practice breathing exercises more times than you perhaps realise. Knowing that they may not be effective the first few times you try them, or that they may even seem to make your symptoms worse (if this has happened to you, this is discussed in more detail later in this blog post). You need to make these exercises a habit. Something that you can do even when you don’t have good use of the parts of your brain that allow you to stay in the present moment and make complex decisions about the behaviours you wish to engage (when really stressed, anxious, or angry, your frontal lobes go offline - to read more about this, click here)

Unless you are practicing the breathing exercises religiously, multiple times per day, your brain is not only not going to allow you to use your own technique to self-soothe, it won't even allow you to remember how to do it calmly during those times. 

Reason 2. You have mainly practiced your breathing exercises when you are already deep in stress and anxiety.

It is more important than you imagine to practice when calm.

The first question I always ask people after they have spent a week trialling their breathing exercises is: “how often did you practice”, then “of those times how many times were you completely calm before you started”.

I don’t ask this to try to catch people out. I ask this because the answer to the latter questions is usually “I tried it when I was stressed but kept forgetting to practice when I was calm” or “Some days my anxiety isn’t as bad and I don’t want to practice on those days as it might bring me down”. I totally understand this. We all get busy and why would we want to remember the difficult stuff?

However, practicing when calm (or as close to calm as we can be) is imperative. Why?

A good way to think about this is to think about a soldier going to war. If you sent a soldier into a war zone without drill training, even if they were an excellent fighter, they would arrive there, their fight-or-flight system would switch on and they would either find themselves running in the opposite direction or fighting manically without skill, panicking their way to an outcome. This is not what we want. Instead, they are trained in drill style. Woken up in the middle of the night. Made to repeat the same actions over and over again, in times of calm and times of stress. They are made to do this so that they can perform their tasks unconsciously, in any emotional state, as if it is second nature. This means that when they are in fight-or-flight mode their brain doesn’t resist their attempts at staying calm and focussed as they have new habits.

I realise stress and anxiety are not exactly the same as going to war. But the situations are more similar than you imagine. You need to learn the breathing exercises, drill style when calm. So that you can do this unconsciously when your brain switches into survival mode when you don’t need your frontal lobes to complete the task.

So… step 1. Practice, practice, practice. Imagine you are preparing yourself like a soldier going to war. Become a breathing soldier! The more you do this, the more this will become second nature. Suddenly, the practice will be there for you.

Just to add, for those people out there who never feel calm. Do not worry. It is just about consistent practice. Doing the breathing exercises multiple times throughout the day. Not avoiding the practice should you have a good day.

My general recommendation would be to practice breathing exercises at least twice daily when calm for at least 5 minutes at a time. If you are really struggling the best guideline is little and often. Keep at it. It will come to you. When I had panic attacks (yes I have had them too) I had breathing exercises playing on my headphones day and night. 24-7. Eventually, they were ingrained in my thinking and I was able to access them any time I needed.

Reason 3. When you practiced the breathing exercise your symptoms of stress and anxiety increased so you, understandably, stopped.

I know, I know. It’s not just life getting in the way that stops the practice. There is also the fact that breathing exercises are damn hard. And that, at first, breathing exercises can make it feel like your stress and anxiety are getting worse, not better.

We spend every moment of our lives breathing. People understandably think that breathing exercises are going to be second nature. However, if you live in a heightened state of stress it is often surprisingly hard to control your breath. Not only that, when stressed out, focussing on the breath for the first time can suddenly feel scary. Especially if you are worried about tightness in your chest and feeling short of breath. 

People who have anxiety and or have had a panic attack often fear the physical sensations associated with these experiences. They think a racing heart or tension in the chest is a sign another panic attack or something equally bad (or worse) is coming.

Many of these people manage this by either becoming hypervigilant for any changes in their heart rate (by continuously monitoring their heartbeat). Or by totally disconnecting from the feelings in their body, and trying to avoid doing anything that could cause their heartbeat to rise, such as exercise.

This can be particularly true for people who have a heart condition (and who therefore understandably worry about their heart rate changing - “is this a panic attack or a heart attack?”).

Whatever your reason for fearing the physical sensations we associate with anxiety, if this is you, practicing a breathing exercise that involves turning your attention to your body can feel terrifying. The slightest hint of tension or a racing heartbeat can lead to thoughts such as - “oh my god, did my heart just skip a beat?”, “Am I getting enough air?”, “ Am I having a panic attack?”, “This is unbearable”, “I am going to die”.

It is very normal to have a spike in physical sensations when you first start paying attention to them, and if you know this, and know that anxiety rises and falls like a wave if you keep practicing your breathing exercise, you will notice these feelings and thoughts, keep breathing and it will pass.

However, as few people know this, they understandably interpret the physical sensations as proof they are in danger. This then leads to a temporary spike in the fight-or-flight symptoms, as the brain ramps up the fight-or-flight symptoms in response to their fear. 

So… it is not surprising that many people give up early on in the practice as they think it is making their symptoms worse. I would if I felt worse after trialing them! Who wouldn’t?

To manage this: 

  • Remember breathing exercises are a skill that you will learn over time. If you don’t get it the first time, that’s ok. Everyone struggles at first. EVERYONE.

  • Re-acquaint yourself with the reasons behind the physical symptoms of anxiety and stress (see this blog post).

  • Create a stock phrase that you can say to yourself before you start the practice and repeat if you notice any change in your symptoms. An example would be “I am medically safe. This is my body preparing to run or fight. That is all. I just need to keep breathing slowly.” (see point 2 of 6 Ways to Switch Off The Fight-or-Flight Response)

  • Visualise a wave of anxiety, knowing that even if it rises it will fall as long as you keep practicing. Don’t give up. But also, ask for professional help should you need it. I needed it. At 18, I learned to manage my panic attacks with the support of a trained professional who made me truly believe that a racing heartbeat was manageable and would pass.

Reason 4. You are breathing too fast.

After I speak with a client about the frequency of their practice, and any physical sensations that may put them off. I then get people to practice with me. Quite often people have simply heard they should breathe slowly and deeply but haven’t been shown a formal practice that makes breathing slowly possible. This means they breathe deeply but not slowly, for example, taking in more and more oxygen - which actually keeps the fight-flight response alive and can lead us to hyperventilate! (if you think you are unable to breathe when anxious or panicking and think you need more oxygen not less to cope, read this article).

Breathing exercises should help us slow down our oxygen intake. The best ways to do this is through the practice of a breathing exercise that has:

  • deep and slow inhales, followed by a moment of holding your breath and then breathing out for longer than you breathed in (such as this breathing exercise),

  • or involves you breathing in, holding your breath, breathing out, and then holding your breath for equal counts (box breathing is an excellent breathing exercise that teaches you how to do this. In the next week, my guide ‘5 steps to emotional resilience’ will be available which will teach you this skill).

However, in times of stress, it can be hard to count slowly and also to keep steady control of our breath.

What to do about this: 

  • When you practice during times of calm, note what a slow, deep breath feels like. Note whether you need to adjust your timings. If you are doing a breathing exercise that requires a longer exhale than inhale - Some people need to breathe in for a count of 3 and out for a count of 5. Others need ‘in for 6’ and ‘out for 8’. See what works for you. I do the latter.

  • Use a concrete strategy to ensure your breathing rhythm remains steady. You could count in time with a ticking clock or say 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi. Or, and this is my favourite, use an audio of a breathing exercise. This will help you ensure you don’t get caught up in your body’s desire to breathe faster and faster. Click here for an audio you can use.

Reason 5. Breathing exercises are not for you.

I love breathing exercises. They are one skill I wish we were all taught in childhood. And for people who feel safe enough to do them, they are a game-changer - seriously I, and many people I know would have never made it through my panic attacks if without them. ⁠
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However, are not for everyone. And they can have serious consequences for some people. ⁠
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If you are living with trauma and feel unsafe in your body, for example, breathing exercises that make you turn your attention inwards can be not only deeply distressing they can feel downright dangerous. They can lead to retriggering of trauma memories as well as serious dysregulation of your nervous system. ⁠
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I wanted to put this out there as I know a lot of people feel like they 'should' be able to do breathing exercises, and feel that they are failing if they can't. I know some people who keep trying over and over, getting progressively distressed as they do. ⁠

If this is you, there are other ways to soothe your nervous system such as this grounding exercise. I will write a blog post outlining other ways to self-soothe without breathing exercises very soon - if you want to see this, be sure to sign up to my mailing list, and when it is available it will be delivered to your inbox as part of my bi-weekly newsletter.

That’s it

Now you know the 5 main suspects that make breathing exercises anything from hard to impossible. It’s time to put your newfound information into practice. Either increasing the frequency of your practice or choosing to do a grounding skill instead. Whichever works best for you.

Dr Soph x

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I am a Clinical Psychologist trying to get effective psychological advice out of the therapy room and into everyday life.

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Sophie Mort